The trap of perfectionism and self-demand

The trap of perfectionism and self-demand

We are not here to be perfect, but happy. Practice forgiveness towards yourself!

How many times throughout the day have you criticized and reproached yourself for those events that have occurred during the day and you did not like the result you have obtained? Have you stopped to think about the negative internal dialogue that you have with yourself arguing that you are doing it wrong, that you should try harder and be more careful for the next time something similar happens?

If you think about it, we often find ourselves in constant criticism and negative analysis of what we do throughout the day

Self-demand is that negative inner voice that underlines our defects, mistakes and carelessness.

And one more important question yet; Have you ever been aware of that criticism of yourself? When have you been, have you forgiven and freed yourself from all that constant reproach and judgment?

It is very common that both in face-to-face and online consultation, during psychological treatment, we insist on the importance of the internal dialogue that we constantly maintain with ourselves, since if it is critical and negative it causes us a lot of suffering and internal discomfort. The requirement and continuous perfectionism causes exhaustion, unease and discouragement ... since we are never at ease with what we achieve ... we always want to reach more ... get and do more and better! And there is never a limit, you never reach the goal as you believe That can always be improved. Does this internal dialogue sound to you?

Many times the worst enemy is within us. We demand and criticize to achieve perfection. Along the way we wear off and paradoxically this causes our performance to slow down and lower our self-esteem

Self-esteem is not pants or a coat that we can wear and take off depending on the season. It is part of us, accompanies us throughout life and is reflected in all areas of life: family, work, couple, friends ... When we go to a job interview, when we interact with a person for the first time or when we talk with A lifelong friend, when we help him to do our son's homework or when we celebrate our relationship anniversary with our partner.

All the time, at all times, regardless of the place or the role that we are playing, self-esteem intervenes, defining the way in which we interact with ourselves as well as with our surroundings. The development of healthy self-esteem is possible, it can be strengthened and improved. We can become aware, and work to strengthen it, promoting a full and well-being existence. For this, an essential element is to know what your internal dialogue is, what kind of messages you throw yourself at the events that occur in life, especially in those who do not get what you want. Remember that you talk to yourself continuously, being the person with whom you will talk most in your entire existence; But are you really aware of what you say to yourself?

Change your internal dialogue and stop crushing yourself and speaking badly to yourself! Have a sympathetic and positive attitude towards yourself, just as you do with a person who is important to you and whom you want

Wanting to improve and learn from the past is very positive, but being aware that achieving perfection is impossible, assuming that error is part of success as it helps us improve and generate learning. This translates into that when things do not go as we want instead of crushing us for what happened, we interpret it as a possibility of learning and improvement, instead of focusing on error and self-writing. As writer and lecturer Louise Hay says, forgiveness frees you, heals you, gives you the possibility of living in peace, without rancor and without discomfort.

For this, the first step is to detect that negative internal dialogue and curb the constant criticism and harmful mental noise that you throw at yourself. Give up self-demand and perfectionism and instead practice forgiveness. The negative internal dialogue is full of self-criticism, focused on the mistakes made and the objectives not achieved. It is not constructive because it does not focus on your strengths to improve and move forward, on the contrary it focuses on your weaknesses and mistakes. Break this habit and start practicing forgiveness towards yourself, taking care of yourself and being belligerent with yourself. Keep in mind that the way we think determines how we FEEL and how we ACT

Give up the idea of ​​being the best in everything: the best professional, the best son, the best husband, the best friend ... And instead try to be better, only better, not THE BEST. And in parallel he begins to practice forgiveness with yourself when things do not go as you had calculated; You have done your best, you have not found any other way ... stop crushing yourself, hurting yourself and use the mantra "I forgive myself".

Every time you start criticizing yourself, to deploy self-demand and perfectionism, be aware of it and say those two words so magical and powerful: "I forgive myself."

This way you will be able to break with that self-destructive pattern that only manages to increase the discomfort and mental and internal suffering that you have. It is much simpler than it seems. All you have to do is get to it, start and although at first it costs you and may even seem ridiculous, it doesn't matter, continue…. Gradually it will become a habit. Remember, every time you are critical of yourself for something that has happened, repeat: "I forgive myself for thinking this about me, for having done this action ..." The goal is to learn to establish a positive and constructive internal dialogue instead of using toxic language. in which only everything that has gone wrong is verbalized, focusing on problems and personal weaknesses.

The words and language we maintain with ourselves have a great influence on what we feel and do. Be aware and take care of it!