Most parents do their best to make sure their children have a healthy and happy childhood. Sometimes they make small mistakes, but that does not take away their love be healthy and unconditional.
However, there is a big difference between parents who make small mistakes and parents who are toxic.
- 1 Be a child of toxic parents
- 2 Toxic behavior
- 3 Signs to know that you have toxic parents
Be a child of toxic parents
How is the life of the children of toxic or abusive parents? Logically, it's nothing fun or quiet. For example, the children narcissistic adults, alcoholics, drug addicts, antisocial, etc., grow with a general feeling of hopelessness and anxiety stabbing, that will make them repeat themselves inside and again: why me? What's wrong with me… ?"
The fate of a child is very sad, knowing that he will receive little or no empathy by their parents. But what is more worrisome is that parents (narcissists) who treat a child badly are more likely to punish them for being sensitive or emotional in the face of adversity.
From birth to four years of age, it is when a child's personality is formed, a time they spend mostly with their parents (or primary caregivers), those who are able to print in their subconscious mind every toxic trait of their own personality.
Toxic behavior is often difficult to see, and it is even more difficult when toxic people are their own parents (father, mother or both). Normally, this behavior happens from early childhood, so it seems completely normal to most children who have been through this, but it is not.
Toxic parents can cause a lot of emotional and mental damage of their children, and children often become damaged adults who struggle to establish normal and healthy relationships without achieving it, and this is mainly because they continue to accept the toxic behavior of their parents.
Signs to know that you have toxic parents
They prioritize their feelings over those of their children
Your feelings are always first. Toxic parents dominate the situation in this regard, and also your emotions are often volatile and irrational. Most of their conversations revolve around the way they feel, or why they are upset or angry.
Over time, it is not just the father or mother who gives priority to their feelings, the child does too. The child grows up in this family environment, in which the needs of his parents are more important than his own, without questioning this type of relationship, so it seems normal. Often the child feels worried or stressed because he knows that his father (or mother) is upset, so that leave your own emotional needs aside to avoid clashes.
They need to take care of them
Toxic parents often ask the child to take care of them, thus reversing the papers. They ask the son to solve his problems, to support them, which creates a lot of emotional tension in the child. The father or mother who does this does not realize the weight of this responsibility for the child, and thinks that it is something normal and even mandatory for any child.
They don't want their child to grow up and be independent
It may seem normal for your parents to think of you as "your little child", but there is always a limit. Toxic parents they are not proud of the independence of their children, Unlike. They constantly question their decisions, and they often bother and harass them until they change their mind, keeping them at home to take care of them and make their lives easier. It is a form of manipulation to achieve your own pleasure and interest, shows clear of your great lack of empathy.
They are passive-aggressive
Toxic parents often claim to be well, but they act clearly as someone who feels upset. It is characteristic of the passive-aggressive personality give ambiguous answers and not clearly express anger, but show a bad mood and act differently from what your words say. This behavior is very annoying and disconcerting for the child, since he feels that he must yield to the whims of his parents, only to get rid of this horrible environment.
They ignore the borders
Toxic parents are often unclear about the limits; They talk without hesitation with their children about personal aspects or intimate details of his life that are not appropriate for the little ones. If the child dares to imply that he does not feel comfortable talking about these things, the parents will feel confused and offended by it, without understanding or respecting the position that a child should have in the family.
The defects of their children are often pointed out
Most parents are very proud of their children and praise them for their virtues and achievements. Toxic parents instead are more prone to point out their flaws, making negative comments about his intelligence, his weight or his appearance. It is not strange that they intentionally criticize aspects in which the child feels especially insecure, and then make them see that it is only a joke. If the child does not laugh, they will judge him for "having no sense of humor."
They tell their problems and ask that they keep their children secrets
Parents are supposed to protect their children, but to Toxic parents often expect their children to protect them. They tell them their secrets and then ask them not to tell anyone anything. These secrets can be very delicate and inappropriate matters of your age, such as an addiction or an infidelity (yours or your spouse's). This puts the child under a lot of pressure and stress, as he feels they should cover up his parent, even if he is doing something dangerous or painful.
They speak to their children with contempt
Toxic parents can destroy your children's self-esteem very easily, which begins to form when the child is still very young. They make negative comments throughout his childhood, which reinforces the opinion that he is "dumb" or "unworthy."
They often call it "stupid" or "bad," they even do other things to reinforce this belief, such as having excessively controlling behavior or comparing it negatively in front of others. This makes the child think that he is unable to make his own decisions.
Unfortunately, the children of toxic parents can validate their parents' behavior, with the unfounded belief that his abusive behavior was acceptable, since he was a bad boy.
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