Benching: when you have a partner on the bench

Benching: when you have a partner on the bench

Have you ever met a person who flaunts you and shows himself as someone worthy of all your trust, after a short time he disappears for days, and, when he returns, he returns as if nothing had happened? Then, you have met a person who does Benching. Today, we talk about it.


  • 1 What exactly is Benching?
  • 2 How can we identify it?
  • 3 What to do?
  • 4 Where and why does it arise?

What exactly is Benching?

Benching essentially consists of have relationships without commitment and without any responsibility towards the other person, even when that could hurt her (because she doesn't know she's having that kind of relationship).

It is a type of relationship in which the person who practices it engages in coaxing his “victim” (who will have something similar to a relationship with him) for a while, then walks away without saying anything, then returns as if Nothing would have happened, get away again, etc.

In a sense, it is the evolution of Ghosting, which we have already talked about in another article and that basically consists of in disappearing as a way to break a relationship. Here the relationship is not broken, but it stays intermittently.

However, Benching is not a form of relationship whose sole objective is to have someone on hand to have sex (which, although cruel, could make some more sense). The truth is that Benching has a reason for being much sadder.

Most people who practice it simply they are people who seek to maintain interest in another person with the aim of feeling valuable and desired, but without any real interest in the other person.

The role of social networks

It should be noted that this type of behavior is done very often through social networks (although not only). It is not strange that the person in question shows a great interest in social networks while, outside of them, has no contact with you.

This behavior is called "Benching" because it is based on having someone aware of you. And what better way to do it than continuously appearing in your notifications?

The emotional implication of giving a like in a photo is minimal, but the person who receives it, if you constantly see those interactions (in addition to coming and going outside social networks), you may feel a strong emotional bond.

How can we identify it?

We can identify Benching because those who practice it are based on the flattery and pretty words (in addition to the aforementioned activity on social networks) to keep the other person's attention.

It’s common for that person to show you love and make you feel good, but then disappear a few days, and while he is not with you, he maintains a certain activity in social networks, but he does not take your phone.

These types of confusing behaviors are problematic, because they force you to be aware of being contacted again, or, worse, that you try to contact him and have no way of doing it.

Because that's the second part of the matter: That person just wants to feed his ego and take advantage of you in equal parts. Your emotions do not matter. Therefore, it will not try to match your needs.

What to do?

And what to do if you are in a situation and Benching? Well, if you're on time, sit down with that person at the time that is possible, and Tell clearly the type of relationship you are looking for.

As you will see in the next section, this type of behavior arises from cowardice and a very low emotional intelligence, so, making things clear, the matter is resolved quite easily.

It may happen that the other person was not aware that he was doing it, and try to correct yourself (which is good), or he may be aware, but that you stand before him make him realize that with you he has no choice, and the relationship ends there (Yes, clearly and without confusion).

In the case that you are already in that situation of Benching, you can take advantage of one of the occasions in which he approaches to do the aforementioned, or you can, directly, ignore that person and, when he comes to you to see what you It happens (because it will, remember that all this is done by inflating your ego), explain the situation and cut the relationship.

And, yes, in the latter case, I recommend cutting off the relationship, because it is clear that the relationship he had with you was only to inflate his ego. Although, of course, this is your decision.

Where and why does it arise?

We're not going to stop here much: These kinds of behaviors arise because the modern lifestyle has created people who have a very low emotional intelligence. In part, that is due to social networks and impersonal relationships.

The inability to "tie" and the perception that, as in social networks, relationships are liquid, it can make people afraid of tying and behaving in this way. That is why this trend appears now and not a hundred years ago.

As you can see, Benching is a strategy that consists in keeping the other person interested, but having no responsibility for she. It is a very selfish and toxic way of relating, so it is convenient to get away from such people.