Do you know someone who is forced to keep everything under control constantly? That person who needs everything to be orderly, to know what all the members of his family do, etc.? Then, may that you are facing someone who suffers need of control.
What is the need for control?
The need for control is the tendency of some people to try to control absolutely everything around them (and this includes both things and people). It is not listed as a disorder, but that does not mean it is not something dangerous.
These people also consider that this need for control is fundamental both for themselves and for those around them, so they do not stop at certain moral concerns that should change the normal behavior of a person.
What do we mean? They are people who don't mind manipulating or using blackmail to achieve their “protection” goals (actually, control). And, in general, they are people who tend to believe that they know what is more convenient for you than yourself.
And, of course, it should be mentioned that there are aspects to be controlled in life. A person must be able to control your emotions, for example. Plans should also be made to control the future in the short and medium term (at least, in the financial and affective planes).
However, when these "controls" become obsessive, we face a problem that needs to be resolved. Generally, it is about having control over minutiae in the very short term.
For example, trying to control the uncertainty of the future by buying a home or marrying the person with whom you want to start a family is a healthy way to deal with the uncertainty inherent in life.
However, trying to control every small expense that is made in the family unit or trying to control even the smallest detail as your partner acts are insane forms of control that do not serve to deal with that uncertainty inherent in life.
And the need for control, become an obsession (which is what this article is about) It refers to that second type of control.
What is the profile of a person in need of control?
In general, the person in need of control is a pretty person perfectionist, with a low self-esteem (and therefore insecure), that does not tolerate frustration very well and that he is afraid that others will evaluate him negatively.
In addition, he is a person who does not know how to handle the uncertainty inherent in life, and, although, at first glance, he may seem like a person with great strength, in reality he is a weak and vulnerable person, afraid to let Your life flows naturally.
How to identify a person in need of control?
Here we detail some points that can help you identify the person in need of control:
- He thinks he knows what is best for the people around him.
- It is unable to tolerate uncertainty.
- Has habitual behavior patterns based on thoroughness, checks, etc.
- He expects and demands loyalty and obedience (on many occasions, he can only get it from his family).
- He is terrified of emotions.
- Do not trust others.
- He is constantly watching others and other things.
- He is perceived as a leader, but other people perceive him as a tyrant.
- The inability to handle uncertainty leads him to have maniacal behaviors, such as excessive cleaning or order. With this, he gets some illusion of control.
Are you a person in need of control?
You may not see yourself reflected in them after reading the previous points. Nevertheless, nobody likes to be told what we don't want to hear. Therefore, we can consider another way of looking at it.
Imagine the last time you went to a new place with unknown people. Did you dedicate yourself to labeling people according to characteristics like "I don't like how you look," "looks like good people," "looks like this or that person"?
This type of actions, for example, too they fit within the need for control.
It may interest you: The illusion of control gives us security
It must be said that these types of behaviors, as long as they are occasional and punctual, are not bad in themselves. We all need some control illusion to be able to handle ourselves in life.
However, you have to be alert, because, to the extent that these behaviors are repeated very often, You can run the risk of becoming a kind of person that I assure you do not want to be.
As you can see, the need for control It is a problem that can generate important conflicts both for those who suffer and for those around them. That is why, in the most serious cases, psychological help should be obtained.