Achieve our purposes and living fully for alleged happiness seems to be not an easy task and escapes our hands too often. We can find ourselves, as we have already seen, with various vital conditions that make us the road quite arduous, such as economic difficulties, lack of health, conflicts and enmity with other people, etc.
But to be frank, among all the things that They can make us extremely miserable or catapult us into happiness, the main one is our own thoughts, and this is not a mere theory, it is something that has been theorized for decades and is being demonstrated daily. The reality we know, that we have each of us, is something exclusive to each individual. With our complex mental processes we create our own world and see it (or live) from a unique perspective, but this does not mean that it contains the absolute truth or that it is the best, it is only ours and period.
Yes, it is true, fate shuffles the cards, but we are the only ones who decide how to play them. We can use our mind in many ways, this is a fact on which psychologists work daily, if we do not believe that change is feasible, this profession would be of no use. Moreover, surely this unique fact of learning and being able to change our reality is what makes us truly human. We have complexity and mental potential at many levels, it is only necessary to use them correctly, or at least in the best way for each one, such as when we “customize” a room, a car, a mobile… we must better personalize our mind, in this way we will achieve substantially increase our sense of happiness instead of destroying it.
It has been found that the most effective ways to bitter our existence are:
- Be afraid: the senseless fears that urge us to constantly worry, such as the fear of loneliness, to lose someone, to criticize us, to run out of work or, even, even more irrational fears such as fear of heights, to the enclosed spaces, to drive ...
- Complain and lament: Even if only internally without externalizing it to others. With complaints we get bitter character, because we always see the negative side of things and obscure any situation or event.
- Criticize and judge others endlessly: It is similar to the complaints, in fact it is like a variable of the complaints, to criticize is to complain about the other for his way of being, to act… we see the negative side and we quickly ignore the positive.
- Demand that things or people be as we wish: as if it were your obligation. Each person is different, and what seems obvious and reasonable to us is not for another. Let's not make our wishes demands.
- Have excessive attachments: To feel that we "need" someone without remedy or that without our great or small properties we cannot be happy, it is a quick route to unhappiness. The more "needs" we have, the more fear (and probabilities) we will have to lose them.
- Exaggerate any event or event: either good or bad. The extremes are never good, just a source of anxiety to feel that things are tremendously good or tremendously bad. Most times the events move between moderately good or moderately bad.
- Not accept our mistakes: since we must know (and be very clear) that nobody is free from error, ever.
- Feel that we are obliged to ... : forced to please, to care, to comply, etc.
We, to a large extent, create our own beliefs and emotions. Many of our beliefs are acquired through the culture and education received, and others are created by ourselves. The fact that we have received some of these unfortunate beliefs from our parents or from the society in which we have grown does not release us from responsibility. It is we who with full capacity decided to maintain such beliefs. We are the ones who sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously choose to think and therefore feel beneficial or harmful to ourselves. Let's make an effort and learn to think positive, to see the good things in life before the bad things, with a little practice and perseverance, we will see how everything changes for the good around us.