Before starting, it is important to keep in mind that none of these methods are intended to influence other people with obscure intentions. Anything that could be harmful to someone in some way, especially in their self esteem, is not included here. These are ways to win friends and influence people who use psychology in a positive way and without making someone feel bad.
- 1 1. Benjamin Franklin Effect
- 2 2. Order too much
- 3 3. The proper name
- 4 4. Flattery
- 5 5. Mirroring or the mirror technique
- 6 6. The use of tiredness
- 7 7. Offers that cannot be rejected
- 8 8. Know how to correct
- 9 9. Repeat things
- 10 10. nod
1. Benjamin Franklin Effect
How to get someone to do us a favor may have a trick, and this is also known as the Benjamin Franklin's effect. Legend has it that when Franklin was in the Pennsylvania Legislative Assembly there was an opponent who had once spoken against him (Franklin does not say his name), someone very influential. Franklin was very restless about this opposition and animosity and decided to win over this gentleman. What occurred to him is very curious and intelligent. Instead of doing that favor or service to that man, he induced the opponent to do him a favor, borrowing a very rare book from his library. The man in question lent it to him immediately and Franklin returned it to the one in one week with a note in which he greatly thanked him for the favor. When they met again in parliament the gentleman spoke to him (something he had never done before) and above with great education. From then on, this man was always willing to help Franklin and became great friends, a friendship that continued until his death. This fact demonstrates the truth of a maxim that Franklin had learned as a child that says: "It is more likely that someone who has already done a previous one will do you another favor than not one who owes it to you."
There is another very illustrative example of this phenomenon in The Karamazov brothers from Dostoiewsky. Fyodor Pavlovitch remembers how once in the past he was asked why he had hated a person so much. And he replied: “I will tell you. It hasn't hurt me. I behaved very dirty with him once and since then I have hated him" Just as in these examples we get a vicious circle, the Benjamin Franklin effect shows that it is also possible to generate virtuous circles.
The scientists decided to test this theory and found that those to whom the researcher requested a personal favorThey made much more favorable ratings on it than the other groups. It may seem contradictory, since common sense tells us that we do favors for people we like and annoy those we dislike. But the reality seems to be that we tend to like people with whom we are kind and to dislike people with whom we are rude or misbehave.
2. Order too much
The trick consists of ask at first much more than we want or we need, to lower our request later. You start by launching a really exaggerated request to someone, a request will most likely be rejected. Then, he turns shortly after and asks for something much less exorbitant, which is really what we really wanted in the first place. This trick may also sound counter-intuitive, but the idea behind this is that the person feels bad about refusing our first request, even though it was not reasonable, so when something reasonable is requested, you will feel more obligated to help on this occasion.
3. The proper name
Using a person's own name or title, depending on the situation, is another tool to gain trust. Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, Explains that the use of someone's name is incredibly important and effective in achieving a friendship. It is said that a person's name is the sweetest sound in any language for that person. The name is the fundamental part of our identitySo, listening to it validates our existence and inclines us to have more positive feelings about the person who validates us. The use of a title or nickname can also have very strong effects. This can be as simple as calling an acquaintance and calling him "friend" or "partner" every time we see him, or referring to a person with whom we want to work or continue working as a "boss", although this may seem somewhat cheesy, In practice it works.
Flattery opens many doors. This may seem obvious at first, but there are some important caveats to keep in mind. To start it is important to know that if flattery is not seen as sincere, it will do more harm than good. Researchers have studied the motivations and reactions that exist behind flattery and have found some very important things. Apparently, people tend to seek cognitive balance, always trying to keep their thoughts and feelings organized in a similar way. So if we flatter someone who has high self-esteem and finds it sincere, he will like it a lot, because he is validating his own feelings. However, if we flatter someone who has low self-esteem, there is a possibility that it may be counterproductive, because it interferes with the way it is perceived. That, of course, does not mean that we should degrade a person of low self-esteem.
5. Mirroring or the mirror technique
Mirroring Also Known As mimicry or mirror technique, is something that some people do naturally. People with this ability are considered "chameleons"; They try to blend in with their surroundings by copying other people's behaviors, gestures and even speech patterns. However, this ability can also be used consciously and is a great technique of looking friendlier. The researchers studied the mimicry and found that those who had been imitated were much more likely to act favorably towards the person who had copied them. Even more interesting was his second finding, that those who had someone who imitated their behavior, seemed more interesting and more pleasant in front of others. It is likely that the reason why this is so is that the reflection of someone's behavior makes him feel validated. This validation is positively associated with feeling greater self-esteem and greater security, more happiness and feeling a better disposition towards others.
6. The use of tiredness
When someone is tired is more susceptible to everything someone can tell them, whether it is a declaration or a request. The reason for this is that when people are tired their mental energy levels fall tremendously. When we make a request from someone who is tired, they probably will not have a definitive answer, we will probably get a "I will do it tomorrow" answer, because they do not want to face the decisions at that time. The next day, he is more likely to feel inclined to help us, as people tend to keep his word; It is natural psychologically to want to move on with something that he said would be done.
7. Offers that cannot be rejected
It consists of starting with a request that they cannot refuse. This is an inverse "aim high" technique. Instead of starting with a large order, you start with something very small. Once someone has pledged to help us or agrees with us, they will be more likely to be more receptive to fulfilling a larger request.. Scientists tested this phenomenon in advertising. They started by having people express their support for the environment and rainforests, which is a fairly simple request. Next, they found that once someone had come to express their agreement to support the environment, it was much easier to convince them when buying products that supported rainforests and other things
8. Know how to correct
It is not a good idea to correct people when they are wrong. Carnegie also pointed out in his famous book that telling someone that he is wrong is generally unnecessary and makes others move away from us. Actually, there is a better way to show disagreement and turn it into an educated conversation, without telling you that you are wrong, it affects the essence of your ego. The idea behind this is quite simple: instead of arguing, listen to what they have to say and then try to understand how you feel and why. Then discover the common ground you share with him and use it as a starting point to explain your position. This makes the other one much more likely to listen to what you have to say and allow you to correct him without losing your position.
9. Repeat things
Repeat again something that our interlocutor has just said, is one of the most positive ways to influence othersWell, we show that we really understand what they are telling us and how they feel, thus manifesting our empathy. One of the most effective ways to do this is paraphrasing what they say and repeating it again, also known as the thoughtful listening. Studies have shown that when therapists use reflective listening, people tend to reveal their emotions more and have a better therapeutic relationship. This can be transferred by talking with our friends. If we listen to what they tell us and we rephrase it as a question to confirm that we understood it, they will feel more comfortable talking to us. They will also show a greater friendship and will be more likely to listen to what we have to say, since it showed that we care about them.
To nod while talking, especially when we want to ask for a favor. Scientists have discovered that when people nod while listening to something, they are more likely to agree with the other person. They have also seen that when someone nods a lot in front of us, we end up doing the same. This is understandable because human beings are well known for mimicking behaviors, especially those that we consider to have a positive connotation. So if you want to be very convincing, nod regularly throughout the conversation. The person who is speaking will find it difficult not to agree as well, and they will begin to feel good vibrations towards what is being said, without even knowing it.Related tests
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