- 1 The Lolita complex
- 2 Why is it a problem?
- 3 Why does this kind of love occur?
- 4 The young “Lolita”.
- 5 Inequality among lovers
The Lolita complex
The attraction that an older man feels towards a young girl is not an unusual situation. But, if the couple establishes an emotional or sexual relationship, problems can arise that will affect both parties and, in the end, those problems will often end up destroying their relationship.
Since the publication in 1955 of the novel "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov, this name is used to refer to any teenage girl who is attractive to an older man. When this situation appears, the man who falls in love or feels a strong sexual attraction for a teenager usually experiences great feelings of guilt. In the original novel "Lolita complex" was described with humor and sensitivity, but it is normal that such a relationship, be seen with disapproval or even repulsion by society, which will create great difficulties for the man and the girl in question.
Why is it a problem?
Few mature adults, whose sexual relations work well all the time and when the couple is made up of a very young girl and an older man, the situation is likely to end in failure. First, if the girl is a minor, the man is in danger of being sentenced to go to jail if their relationship is discovered. And if the matter reaches the courts, the girl may suffer a strong emotional trauma, even if she sees her name protected from unwanted publicity. It is a general opinion that when a relationship is established, the young girl tends to suffer great damages and psychological damages.
Apart from legal barriers, and because it is based on inequality, the relationship can negatively affect one or both parties at the same time. An older man will logically possess more experience and usually more money., which will grant him greater power than a normal girl. She will find herself in a position to be influenced, perhaps even, against her will, at a time when she is experiencing great changes, both physically and emotionally, which makes her perhaps more vulnerable. Since it is rare for this kind of love to be discussed openly, you will encounter the additional problem of not knowing who to turn to for help and advice for fear of being criticized or because you are aware that, if your parents find out, most likely they are against or forbid it to continue the relationship.
Since this is also a taboo subject among adults, it will be equally difficult for men to talk to friends or relatives. You may feel that it is a potentially dangerous type of love and not yet consider yourself capable of coping with your own feelings. Sooner or later, you will end up finding the relationship unsatisfactory, because a young girl is not able to offer the mature love, understanding and friendship that most men seek and expect to find in an adult sexual relationship.
It is possible that almost all heterosexual men experience the longing for "a Lolita" at one time or another in their lives. In the past, young girls were jealously protected, and accompanied by “carbines” when they went out and kept them away from contact with men.
Today, teenagers are considered sufficiently trained to go out and move on their own and yet too young to have sex. In this "undecided" age they are still experimenting with their own sexual feelings, often without actually knowing what their effects are on older men. Since so much importance is attached to the fact that women dress and make up to please men, it is not surprising that most of them find the presence of a young girl "very colorful" and behaving coquettishly attractive.
Why does this kind of love occur?
Although most men sexually desire a much younger woman at one time or another in their lives, those who consider bringing that desire into practice generally experience feelings of sexual inadequacy when it comes to women. . It may happen that, due to complications in the relationship with his mother, the man has never been able to have satisfactory sex with an adult woman. If women of your age scare you, you may very well transfer your wishes to a younger one, because you believe that you are more likely to be accepted when you manifest your sexual needs.
Some men are able to maintain normal sexual relations until they reach maturity, at which point the so-called "male menopause" begins. Then, they may be tormented by the idea that their sexual capacity is diminishing and that they are less and less attractive to women. Again, a girl is more likely, due to her lack of sexual experience, to be less critical in relation to her partner's performance. Other men completely lose the desire to have adult sexual relations and discover that they are only sexually aroused by watching, being close or fantasizing about young girls. For a small minority, such a relationship will always have the spicy appeal of the hidden and forbidden. The fact that these relationships are disapproved and condemned by society will provide them with the necessary stimulus to recover their diminished sexual appetite. And, although they will probably have to keep the relationship a secret, their ego will be gratified by the idea that a young girl will still find them attractive.
The young “Lolita”.
It is difficult to describe the type of young girl who is likely to respond positively to the advances of an older man. Most teenage girls are eager to show that they are attractive to men. It is very likely that when an older man makes them the object of their attention, they feel flattered and pleased. And an age lover can provide them with the "social status" of which they are often considered unfairly private. As teenagers tend to have a rather tense and difficult relationship with their parents, a loving relationship, which they must keep secret, sometimes gives them additional excitement.Well, they know that if their parents found out they would be flat against it.
An older man can often offer a young girl a way of life that she is not used to, but that she will surely like. She usually has money, so she can give her gifts that she could never buy. You can also enjoy being carried, from one place to another, in a luxury car or being at his house. These are all material factors, which do not always matter too much in an adult relationship, in which both parties are trained to obtain their own income.
There may also be emotional reasons why a young girl will be pleased at the attention of an older man. Although probably unconsciously, you may want to hurt a parent whom you consider too repressive or who tries to prevent you from having fun. And what better way to achieve that than "messing up" with a man of the same age as him, thus putting them in open competition.
In the event that their parents have separated or the father stays away from the children, some girls may be hurt by the absence of a father figure. An older man as a lover can provide her with the security that, if not, would have provided the father's figure. There is also the sexual aspect of these relationships, because although you may not be emotionally prepared for an adult love, your body is able to enjoy the sensations of sexual attraction.
Inequality between lovers
In the cases in which the man and the girl come to make love, and although both may desire it, it will not normally be an experience as satisfying as the love act among adults. In addition, the secret that inevitably surrounds your adventure does not provide the most appropriate atmosphere for the relationship to strengthen. And there is always the problem that the girl can agree to make love without being sure of what it really means for her or her older partner. On the other hand, the man can harbor doubts about the girl's reasons for accepting the relationship from the outset and think that she only agrees to make love because she does not dare to say no.
In any case, the chances that such a relationship will last will be limited from the first moment. The longer it lasts, the greater the chances of it being discovered. The life of a girl is much more limited than that of an adult woman, so problems will arise every day to be able to see each other, and to spend a whole night together, it will be quite complicated.
If the main attraction that the man feels towards the girl is that she is not yet a woman, what will happen when she grows up? It is unlikely that this kind of love can survive the changes of a teenager.
From the point of view of the girl, a love that must be kept hidden from her family and friends can be more of a problem than a source of joy. He is also likely to feel guilty and distraught, as well as experiencing great insecurity because he knows he cannot offer his lover the mature love he needs. Finally, it is possible that, due to her lack of experience in the world, she is forced to depend on her partner to solve her problems, which will further intensify this inequality among lovers.
The vast majority of relationships between young girls and mature men are bound from the start to failure. The shame and the secret that inevitably accompany them, means that neither party will be able to surrender and relax fully in love for the other. The innate imbalances derived from the difference in age and experience mean that one of the two parties, the man, will almost always enjoy too much power, while the other, the girl, will have very difficult to continue her normal school and family life normally. If the man maintains this relationship because he considers himself sexually inappropriate, he may not be the best person to initiate the young woman in the pleasures of sexual love or to fulfill her sexual potential.
As the girl becomes a woman, she may discover that she wants the company of young people of her own age, who understand better than her older lover, the problems and joys of adolescence. You can start to feel that you are missing the opportunity to explore sex and life in general with people like her, for whom everything is still new, an experience to learn and share. A mature lover is not likely to share his tastes in relation to clothing, music or other aspects of leisure and lifestyle. It is also unlikely that he possesses the energy and vigor of youth.
Therefore, one of the two parties or both at the same time, will get tired before or after this type of adventure, from which they will want to escape, leaving the other incapacitated to share their pain with friends and family in a normal way, which is a necessary comfort when any intense or lasting relationship is terminated.
However, it is important that people try to understand and be benevolent with the two lovers involved in a "Lolita type" relationship. Disapproval and moral convictions will get nothing. In fact, such attitudes can only serve to push each lover more into the arms of the other, when they were not, they could leave the situation on their own and without anyone's help. Parents concerned about the possibility that their daughter is having relationships with an older man should not react hastily, but may ask for the specialized advice of a psychologist and try to gain their daughter's trust, instead of silently suffering the burden. Additional secrecy and feelings of guilt.Related tests
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