Jealousy between brothers
The jealousy between brothers they are inevitable, and a natural reaction of adaptation to the changes suffered by the child in his immediate environment. What we mean is that jealousy is not pathological, unless we transform it into something like that. And it is that jealousy becomes negative when we repress, correct and despise the child for having this natural reaction. So, the qualifier of negative It is acquired as a result of an incorrect sustained posture of the parents that prolongs the discomfort and leads to true pathological jealousy on the part of the child.
One of the biggest problems of many parents is the lack of resources to face the jealousy of their children. This lack of strategies leads, in many cases, to perpetuate the problem beyond what is necessary. Addressing jealousy improperly leads to the consolidation of these behaviors and the appearance of a permanent and excessive rivalry between siblings or other people in the environment.
When parents find themselves without answers and without solutions to the avalanche of jealousy, they can become a real nightmare.
Next, we are going to offer you a series of simple guidelines to carry out at home in order to minimize or even completely suppress celotypic behavior between siblings.
Jealousy Management Techniques
1. Strengthen behaviors that involve cooperation, affection or care
It is good to involve the older brother in certain sections of the child's care, we can ask him for example to help us in the bathroom, and then praise him for his collaboration. If we praise, hug and pay more attention to him when he helps us with tasks with his brother, we will be reinforcing and promoting this type of behavior. Also when performing shared play behaviors or show affection with the brother.
2. Ignore Celotypic Behaviors
If we ignore disruptive attention-calling behaviors such as lollipops, anger or aggressiveness, we will be extinguishing them. Either out of exhaustion or because the child understands that this way does not achieve its purpose, the disruptive behavior will gradually decrease. It will be time here to reinforce the alternative behavior of cooperation and affection that we have commented on in the previous point.
3. Avoid comparisons between siblings
Rarely does this technique lead to success, and unless the comparative brother feels desires of overcoming, but quite the opposite, he feels inferior and undervalued. In addition, what it produces is an increase in rivalry between them, leading to more jealousy.
4. Emphasize the qualities of each
Showing and praising the good and different things each child has makes them feel good about themselves and not want to be better or worse than their brother.
5. Prevent situations that cause jealousy to minimize them
We can not always avoid jealousy, daily life is complex and full of situations that are beyond our control and can cause jealousy in children, but many times we know that there will be a vital change that could cause an attack of jealousy. Here we could include the arrival of a new brother. In any case, notify the child of the changes that are going to come, speak it calmly telling him that we love him the same and that if at any time we can not play with him we will do it later, for example, it will help prevent jealousy, because he will know what is happening. Some techniques that we advise you to carry out for the first days after the birth of a brother are the following:
- Let the child visit the mother and her brother in the hospital while they are admitted. Thus, he is not separated from the new family situation, but is included in it.
- Bring the brother a special gift when they return from the hospital. We can tell you that it comes from the little brother.
- It is advisable that the first time the child sees the baby, is not in the arms of the mother, allow him to caress it and that the two brothers are next to the mother.
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